Creighton Barrels Ahead

Vanadeum, Fishnet Black Pantyhose, and Sister Jean

Bucephalus vs. #MPGA

Stable Boy Señor Wences

TOURNAMENT SCENARIOS POSTED

Creighton Barrel (Brandon “The Don” Christol) not only has the best handle of the tournament, he now has the best score, too. Upset wins by Loyola and Florida State, plus the win by West Virginia, pushed Don ahead of Pita.

Christol, who very recently got married (I think we know where he registered), couldn’t contain his emotion about leading the Chippens Tournament. “I never thought this day would come,” he said. “I’m learning what true happiness is.”

Now in his 12th season, The Don has a career best 8th place finish in 2008, but it’s been six years since he’s finished in the top 20. He currently ranks 54th all-time and could use a Championship to catch up to his former IWU colleagues Trevor Sierra (14th all-time) and Van Miller (10th all-time).

Van, who is celebrating a birthday this week, got an early present from Loyola Chicago—but he needs one more. One of 27 with Loyola in the Sweet 16, Van is one of only two with Loyola in the Elite 8. Fishnet Black Pantyhose (is that what Sister Jean is wearing under her habit?) is the other. Van is currently in 78th place and has no Final Four teams remaining. He needs this victory.

Van also needs Purdue, which leads us to perhaps the most consequential Sweet 16 game, and one that has sparked some heated trash talk between two budding rivals, Bucephalus (Tim Corwin) and Make Purdue Great Again (Craig Dykes).

Bucaphalus, a Michigan grad, has less respect for Purdue than a champion stallion has for a lame mule, whereas Make Purdue Great Again is Purdue alum and follows the Boilermakers with a passion as if he had a raging boiler in his gut.

Bucephalus is currently in 30th place and is one of just 12 players with the upset pick of Texas Tech. A win by the Raiders would be a major coup for Bucephalus.

Dykes scuffled through the first three days, but he jumped 48 spots on Day Four and is one of 90 with Purdue advancing. More importantly, he is one of just four with Purdue winning it all.

“My success is ultimately tied to Purdue making a storybook run to the championship,” Dykes admits. However, “I like our chances,” he said. “I like how things are shaping up for me.”

Bucephalus, on the other hand, had this to say: “Odds of a Purdue choke 99%.” When the Chippens Press Office informed Bucephalus that Mr. Dykes felt confident, he responded, “Lol good luck.”

Bucephalus hasn’t limited his put-downs to Purdue. He also got in a little trash talk fiesta with Señor Wences. El Señor said Bucephalus was an “old horse with weak legs” and couldn’t “go the distance anymore.” Bucephalus was having none of it: “The Señor isn’t fit to clean Bucephalus’s stable,” he said, referring to himself in the third person.

We won’t have to wait long to see if Bucephalus gets the last whinny or if he’s shipped out the glue factory early.

Many, many players still have a shot to win it all (and to win the special 94th place prize). You can now see your best possible finish, worst possible finish, and learn who to root for by viewing Player Scenarios, a new report posted Sunday night.

Good luck to all.